There are special moments when we are quite certain that the earth's rotation slowed and that time shed the limitations of physics. We are blessed with an extended period of soaking in the hug, the smile, or a warm conversation; the forces that animate our lives. Deep down, we know it doesn't work this way. The universe doesn't care let alone the earth. Fortunately, most of us can push out those depressing thoughts much of the time.
Sunday, November 13, 2022
Saturday, May 23, 2015
And It Breaks My Heart
I emote too much. Really, I do. But what leaves me misty-eyed can also piss me off. I usually don't do anything about that. It has to be really offensive. And even then I try to resist doing anything stupid. I'm really working on internalizing the Four Agreements to help me be a better person. This is a story of before I was that better person.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Multiple Singularities
It really shouldn't be this way. How could people have discussed more than one Singularity? I'm no Ray Kurzweil, but I thought it was supposed to be that one moment when artificial intelligence exceeded our own. If only people had paid attention. You shouldn't do things just because you can. My son and I disagree on that point.
But people loved the new buzz word and there we have it. We have battery singularity, the crude oil singularity, blah blah blah. I think all of that dilution just made it less real when people started talking about it. And they weren't talking about it because they wanted to. They were talking about it because it was a real thing. It had happened. We just didn't know it yet.
This all would probably be easier to write about if opium was still easily available. Or at least that's what I imagine would be the case given that Edgar Allen Poe scares the shit out of me. But perhaps the darkness in his head was more born out of his heart than some Asian opiate. But still. It has to be easier. I'll just have to settle for Coors Light.
Of course there were a lot of people that said that they saw it coming. They didn't. They were in fact more crazy than the rest of us. They didn't see anything but the nose in front of their face. They were insane. We were too, we just didn't know that our insanity had consequences that exceeded enriching ass-hats like Lady Gaga.
The world tells you things, you just have to listen. That isn't very helpful advice. Because the world is shouting all of the time with a cacophonous blabber of a degree that you can't understand it all. There is too much. The data flood is not a modern phenomenon. We are just able to quantify it more that we were in the past. The world overwhelms us with inputs.
We can't help but make inferences about how it all comes together. I had a friend, an engineer trained at MIT, a smart guy. But he recounted how when he was a kid and set traps to catch game, he ended up with all sorts of theories about how and why it worked. He was able to come up with patterns. Patterns with likely no statistical confidence. But he had them. And he was one of the smarter ones. That stuff has to be trained out of us. We are prone to all sorts of fallacies. And this was one of the more dangerous ones.
But people loved the new buzz word and there we have it. We have battery singularity, the crude oil singularity, blah blah blah. I think all of that dilution just made it less real when people started talking about it. And they weren't talking about it because they wanted to. They were talking about it because it was a real thing. It had happened. We just didn't know it yet.
This all would probably be easier to write about if opium was still easily available. Or at least that's what I imagine would be the case given that Edgar Allen Poe scares the shit out of me. But perhaps the darkness in his head was more born out of his heart than some Asian opiate. But still. It has to be easier. I'll just have to settle for Coors Light.
Of course there were a lot of people that said that they saw it coming. They didn't. They were in fact more crazy than the rest of us. They didn't see anything but the nose in front of their face. They were insane. We were too, we just didn't know that our insanity had consequences that exceeded enriching ass-hats like Lady Gaga.
The world tells you things, you just have to listen. That isn't very helpful advice. Because the world is shouting all of the time with a cacophonous blabber of a degree that you can't understand it all. There is too much. The data flood is not a modern phenomenon. We are just able to quantify it more that we were in the past. The world overwhelms us with inputs.
We can't help but make inferences about how it all comes together. I had a friend, an engineer trained at MIT, a smart guy. But he recounted how when he was a kid and set traps to catch game, he ended up with all sorts of theories about how and why it worked. He was able to come up with patterns. Patterns with likely no statistical confidence. But he had them. And he was one of the smarter ones. That stuff has to be trained out of us. We are prone to all sorts of fallacies. And this was one of the more dangerous ones.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Greater World
As a child, we're told that we can change the world. And we can, we will. But in ways that are not quite imaginable at the time. To say that the consequences can be unintended is a bit of an understatement. And yet, change is the only constant.
Jason was fairly unique among his circle of friends. He was pre-EOD*. He was born before it was pretty much a certitude that your life would extend at least a millennium and possibly longer. He was of the last generation where having babies was done almost as an unconscious afterthought of the moderately intelligent. Sure, there were some who thought long and hard about the world before deciding to bring their own derivative version of themselves onto the planet. But for most, it was a relatively pure reaction to the biological urges. Urges that fit well into a modest bit of pleasure associated with the process. No longer. Licenses were required, and justifiably so.
"I'll raise you 20," said Adam, with a sparkle in his eye that his friends found to be an endearing tell. Playing poker with the same six buddies for 45 years has its advantages in forming amazing friendships and sense of community. But it was hard to bet. Very hard. Even for their best, but most erratic, player (Jason).
Jason for all of his time spent on this planet - over 800 years - found it hard to adjust to the new reality. Some of this was just good - he was continually amazed at the progress, the inventiveness of his fellow man. There wasn't a day that went by that he was thankful that poverty afflicted relatively few and that even once unproductive continents were now almost equal contributors to the global technology stage. Humanity was richer than at any point in the past and despite their impressive numbers, reasonably well at harmony with their environments.
"Fold," said Jason, "I know what happens next if I don't. Oh well, its much easier to lose when I like the person I'm losing too." But Jason hated to lose. Though he thought he was exceptional at hiding that fact, his buddies knew.
Those who fretted that the world could only support 8 or 10 or 15 billion people turned out to be wrong. Not just modestly so, but wildly so. Jason was one of them and considers it one of the better stories to tell new acquaintances. In the year 2942, there were almost exactly 50 billion on the planet. Just has there had been for the last 250 years. Population stability at this point was assured through a series of global treaties and attitudes of societies in all of the four corners of the planet. That didn't mean that everybody agreed.
Sure there were pockets of resistance. Those who believed more strongly in tradition or God or whatever. They were the fringe and they quite frankly, didn't matter. They were small societies sponging off of the technology and wealth of the Greater World. And the Greater World accounted for their numbers to ensure that the overall global balance was maintained.
That is what it was called. Greater World. 2500 was widely recognized as the end of the distinction between first and third world and people were looking for something non-pejorative to use that also would pay homage to the peace and prosperity that had been achieved over the last several hundred years. It was a great time to be alive. And if you were alive, you were likely going to be alive for a long, long time.
* End of Death
Jason was fairly unique among his circle of friends. He was pre-EOD*. He was born before it was pretty much a certitude that your life would extend at least a millennium and possibly longer. He was of the last generation where having babies was done almost as an unconscious afterthought of the moderately intelligent. Sure, there were some who thought long and hard about the world before deciding to bring their own derivative version of themselves onto the planet. But for most, it was a relatively pure reaction to the biological urges. Urges that fit well into a modest bit of pleasure associated with the process. No longer. Licenses were required, and justifiably so.
"I'll raise you 20," said Adam, with a sparkle in his eye that his friends found to be an endearing tell. Playing poker with the same six buddies for 45 years has its advantages in forming amazing friendships and sense of community. But it was hard to bet. Very hard. Even for their best, but most erratic, player (Jason).
Jason for all of his time spent on this planet - over 800 years - found it hard to adjust to the new reality. Some of this was just good - he was continually amazed at the progress, the inventiveness of his fellow man. There wasn't a day that went by that he was thankful that poverty afflicted relatively few and that even once unproductive continents were now almost equal contributors to the global technology stage. Humanity was richer than at any point in the past and despite their impressive numbers, reasonably well at harmony with their environments.
"Fold," said Jason, "I know what happens next if I don't. Oh well, its much easier to lose when I like the person I'm losing too." But Jason hated to lose. Though he thought he was exceptional at hiding that fact, his buddies knew.
Those who fretted that the world could only support 8 or 10 or 15 billion people turned out to be wrong. Not just modestly so, but wildly so. Jason was one of them and considers it one of the better stories to tell new acquaintances. In the year 2942, there were almost exactly 50 billion on the planet. Just has there had been for the last 250 years. Population stability at this point was assured through a series of global treaties and attitudes of societies in all of the four corners of the planet. That didn't mean that everybody agreed.
Sure there were pockets of resistance. Those who believed more strongly in tradition or God or whatever. They were the fringe and they quite frankly, didn't matter. They were small societies sponging off of the technology and wealth of the Greater World. And the Greater World accounted for their numbers to ensure that the overall global balance was maintained.
That is what it was called. Greater World. 2500 was widely recognized as the end of the distinction between first and third world and people were looking for something non-pejorative to use that also would pay homage to the peace and prosperity that had been achieved over the last several hundred years. It was a great time to be alive. And if you were alive, you were likely going to be alive for a long, long time.
* End of Death
Saturday, March 15, 2014
The Thrill
How do you know? When does it become obvious that someone is or isn't right for you? What does that even mean? John couldn't tell the difference. At least that was his experience this far into his 40 years of life on this earth. These questions bounced around in his head, almost driving him away from women all together. But he was a red-blooded male would couldn't resist getting caught up in the charm of a beautiful woman.
John usually felt that he could stat answering the first two questions about six months into the relationship. Which was close to the worst time. Long enough together that there is some real bonding, but short enough that there is still some of the newness and excitement of the unknown. It was usually a pivotal time in the relationship, when both parties realize that they are going to have something real invested in it if they stay in.
Occasionally, the decision would be made for him. Non committal females are more common than you'd think. At least in John's experience. Maybe it really was just him? What was he doing that scared them off? That sent them in other directions searching for new and different experiences.
John usually felt that he could stat answering the first two questions about six months into the relationship. Which was close to the worst time. Long enough together that there is some real bonding, but short enough that there is still some of the newness and excitement of the unknown. It was usually a pivotal time in the relationship, when both parties realize that they are going to have something real invested in it if they stay in.
Occasionally, the decision would be made for him. Non committal females are more common than you'd think. At least in John's experience. Maybe it really was just him? What was he doing that scared them off? That sent them in other directions searching for new and different experiences.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
The End
There is a terrible moment in your life that you realize that you won't be a rock star. You'll never be that guy strumming on a guitar and crooning while a cutey wistfully looks up from the crowd. Bats her lashes, tosses her hair, makes you notice her. That one. It won't happen. Ever.
This moment cannot happen when you are very young. There's just too much in front you. It still could happen. You could be that guy. But then life happens. And the moment sneaks up on you. You don't really have an inkling that its coming and boom. Boom!
You will be nobody's hero. Nobody's. Not even your own. And then what do you have. Are we all just to be our hero in five years? There is no satisfaction there. None. And thus we fill our lives with packing peanuts to fill the void.
In Gary's case, the peanuts were varied. Family, work and video games. Just a normal guy living in a house he could barely afford, working a job he didn't care about, all the day long wanting to be home to say "Hi" to the family and then disappear into his den of Mitty. His playground of the unreal. His refuge. The place that he could be a hero. The only place. Knowing full well, that nobody would really appreciate it.
In Gary's case, the peanuts were varied. Family, work and video games. Just a normal guy living in a house he could barely afford, working a job he didn't care about, all the day long wanting to be home to say "Hi" to the family and then disappear into his den of Mitty. His playground of the unreal. His refuge. The place that he could be a hero. The only place. Knowing full well, that nobody would really appreciate it.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Thought Life
They say that ideas matter. Ideas influence behavior. Ideas have an impact. It was something that people said to him, but he never really understood.
He was a bright kid growing up. Advanced math, AP classes, reasonably good SAT scores and a good college. But his thought life was pretty modest. He worked hard in school. He worked hard earning some extra spending money. He tried to impress girls (but never in the right ways). None of that really required depth to his thinking about ideas. Ideas that somehow mattered. Not to him yet.
While he laid in bed over the last three months, he was pretty sure he knew what people meant now. He knew many things. And he knew that the future laid out in his mind was going to carry him through the rest of his life. Nothing like a long convalescence to clarify one's thinking. Ideas mattered to him now. And he knew just how to make his mark on the world.
He was a bright kid growing up. Advanced math, AP classes, reasonably good SAT scores and a good college. But his thought life was pretty modest. He worked hard in school. He worked hard earning some extra spending money. He tried to impress girls (but never in the right ways). None of that really required depth to his thinking about ideas. Ideas that somehow mattered. Not to him yet.
While he laid in bed over the last three months, he was pretty sure he knew what people meant now. He knew many things. And he knew that the future laid out in his mind was going to carry him through the rest of his life. Nothing like a long convalescence to clarify one's thinking. Ideas mattered to him now. And he knew just how to make his mark on the world.
Monday, March 3, 2014
There is No Try
He wasn't any different from most of the others. Yes, he put in some effort. At times, a commendable amount of effort. But things never worked out for him. He was convinced that some sort of familial cosmic karma backlash was hitting his life hard. That's what crappy parents get you, he'd think.
And yet its people like him who really just have little understanding of what it is to work at something. What it is to get expert or really, really good. Its not enough to put in some effort. That get's you nowhere, as it had gotten him. To succeed at many things, it take an almost unconscionable amount of effort. Focus. And determination. Much of which is laudable, but some of which is downright scary. Psychotic almost. But that level of commitment often leads to the desired successful outcomes.
He started seeing things in his own son at an early age that indicated that his boy was different. He just might be going places. And he was both thrilled and annoyed. Not nearly as happy for him as he often should have been. And always from the pathetic vantage point of self-pity. Those good things could have come my way. They didn't and over the years the bitterness and resent grew to the point that he and his son didn't spend much time together anymore. Despite the lip service to the importance of family, somehow the reality of obviously different life outcomes became unbearable.
It also had put a terrible strain on his marriage. . . .
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Suck My . . . Fat!
Obesity was everywhere. Food was cheap. Bad food was cheaper. What is the average person to do but to sit in their climate controlled office and eat that afternoon snack to marginally satisfy a hunger that they should have been more than willing to let hang on until dinner. But it was distracting.
Yes, there were a few good signs. Though nobody could explain it, obesity among children under 10 years old briefly dipped in the early teens. But it was short-lived. Beltlines and BMIs quickly returned to their long-term pattern of increasing.
And so it was that Matthias was hailed as the savior of the first world.
[I really should stop here, but I will not. I will instead ruin everything and forge ahead]
The idea came to him as a young man, but to a young man with an engineering and business background, but nothing in biology. But as these worlds were increasingly dependent on each other, a fortuitous job change to a hot new Maryland biotech start-up and several chance encounters later, he solidified plans to pursue the dream. And as anyone who has attained their dream knows, it never goes quite how they thought it would.
At first the clinical trials showed "promise". As their data set grew larger and their sites higher, they became "encouraging". Ultimately, the results proved too exciting to keep under wraps. It was no less the surgeon general who wholeheartedly recommended use of the device to 80 percent of the adult population in the US. That's when he went from bio-nerd to mainstream nerd and when the adult population suddenly found its optimum BMI.
It was almost as simple as InvisAlign. Just hop in bed, plug in and let the blood processing equipment do the rest. In the middle of the night (at the optimum portion of your sleep cycle), the machine would start withdrawing a small amount of your blood and reduce the energy flowing in the form of simple sugars. The body would have to work a little bit harder to remove some from your fat stores, but that was the point. The machine shuts off at the right time to ensure you have a restful nights sleep. If you spend extra you can even have a bit of a bonus: hang-overs are a thing of the past.
But just as behavior with no consequences doesn't always lead in the direction you'd hope, so it was here. At first, we as a society basked in the ability to dial in body fat percentages. Sure, muscle size was still a thing, but one no longer had to worry about their BMI. We should have known that it was too good to last . . .
Yes, there were a few good signs. Though nobody could explain it, obesity among children under 10 years old briefly dipped in the early teens. But it was short-lived. Beltlines and BMIs quickly returned to their long-term pattern of increasing.
And so it was that Matthias was hailed as the savior of the first world.
[I really should stop here, but I will not. I will instead ruin everything and forge ahead]
The idea came to him as a young man, but to a young man with an engineering and business background, but nothing in biology. But as these worlds were increasingly dependent on each other, a fortuitous job change to a hot new Maryland biotech start-up and several chance encounters later, he solidified plans to pursue the dream. And as anyone who has attained their dream knows, it never goes quite how they thought it would.
At first the clinical trials showed "promise". As their data set grew larger and their sites higher, they became "encouraging". Ultimately, the results proved too exciting to keep under wraps. It was no less the surgeon general who wholeheartedly recommended use of the device to 80 percent of the adult population in the US. That's when he went from bio-nerd to mainstream nerd and when the adult population suddenly found its optimum BMI.
It was almost as simple as InvisAlign. Just hop in bed, plug in and let the blood processing equipment do the rest. In the middle of the night (at the optimum portion of your sleep cycle), the machine would start withdrawing a small amount of your blood and reduce the energy flowing in the form of simple sugars. The body would have to work a little bit harder to remove some from your fat stores, but that was the point. The machine shuts off at the right time to ensure you have a restful nights sleep. If you spend extra you can even have a bit of a bonus: hang-overs are a thing of the past.
But just as behavior with no consequences doesn't always lead in the direction you'd hope, so it was here. At first, we as a society basked in the ability to dial in body fat percentages. Sure, muscle size was still a thing, but one no longer had to worry about their BMI. We should have known that it was too good to last . . .
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Times Had Changed
Change always seems to creep up on people. Maybe not as individuals, but certainly as a collective group. So it was with mobile phones and so it was with transportation. Yes, doesn't really sound that exciting, and it really wasn't. Except that it changed everything. Again. And again. This time, though gradually, it would have consequences that nobody thought much about until after the change had already come.
For years better transportation and logistics meant that where you made something mattered less and less. Assembling those iPhones in China made sense despite the fact that essentially none of the chips or parts going into them were actually made in China. That's all well and good, we got used to that. But things went to a whole other level when people just stopped living places. No, homelessness did not suddenly explode in either popularity or prevalence, but people started taking to the skies in ways that were wholly unlike hopping on an airplane to visit NYC.
But that was how it started. Large airships of high efficiency and low cost which needed no runways. Suddenly, Pier 81 on the west side of Manhattan became a bustling port of entry. Sure they were just flights from Boston and DC at first, but they were super quick, reliable. A bit too much like the Bolt Bus. Except there was never any traffic. And they were faster. But now, 2,000 people could leave Columbus Circle in DC and arrive in NYC in two hours. Not just those paying $250 for an Acela ticket (though there were expensive first class tickets if you wanted them), but the humble among us who were fine travelling with others who had only $25 to scrape together to journey onward. That was mildly exciting (mostly to east coasters), but things didn't really get big until people stopped going "home".
For sure, there is nothing like having your own space to go back to after a long day at the office or whatever space your chosen profession takes you. But things get quite interesting when everybody's personal space doesn't stay still. Think mobile homes in the sky. You can't fly them (all autonomous by law), but you get picked up and spend the evening in the air on whatever pattern of the city you preferred the most. Though some cities had paid "preferred routes" most people just skirted off into the underpopulated airspace and enjoyed a quiet evening with friends and family.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Slowly
It was a get rich slowly scheme and they were proving it by grinding it out day by day. Perseverance doesn't come without a cost, but none of them could have imagined that the cost would only become apparent after their success. After they should be enjoying the fruits of their labor. When they should have been heralded as visionaries creating a daring new segment in the crowded field of technology. But nothing really turns out like we plan it to, and even what does, we often wish that it didn't.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Finally Over
All along, he knew he shouldn't be having these thoughts. Eight months is a long time after a separation to be reunited with an estranged spouse. But events conspired to bring them back together once again. How would they truly reconcile?
[I would love to read a story that captures what it would be like to reconcile with somebody in a sincere, painful, difficult, but complete way. How does that work? When are you all good? Are you ever one step away from separation again?]
[I would love to read a story that captures what it would be like to reconcile with somebody in a sincere, painful, difficult, but complete way. How does that work? When are you all good? Are you ever one step away from separation again?]
Exceptional
He always wanted to be special in an extremely tough sort of way. The kind of way in which he could overhear the doctor telling his parents that he is extremely surprised that the boy hadn't complained about the pain sooner. Because if he hadn't, the boy must be extraordinary. This thought would roll around in his head many times a day, especially when he was practicing piano.
A Rough Start
He didn't just want her to hurt as she left this material realm. He wanted terror and agony, but not slowness. This would be quick, painful and disturbed. He questioned his own sanity when the plan formed in his mind, but he could think of nothing he wanted more than to proceed.
And so it was that he found himself researching the means of his ex-lovers demise. A lair would have been more appropriate than the sunny apartment in a trendy part of the city. But the darkness he felt was real.
And so it was that he found himself researching the means of his ex-lovers demise. A lair would have been more appropriate than the sunny apartment in a trendy part of the city. But the darkness he felt was real.
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